A Torchwood Christmas
by estelgreenleaf
Summary: It's the Christmas season at Torchwood and everyone's getting into the spirit! Very mild Janto.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: **Don't own Torchwood

**A/N: **I know it's not even close to Christmas but I'm in the mood. My first Torchwood fic, sorry for any OOCness

Ianto and Owen had just finished bringing the gigantic Christmas tree into the Hub. Ianto went up to Jack's office to tell him to get his ass down and help decorate the tree. He walked into the office and heard the opening bars of "Baby, It's Cold Outside."

"I really can't stay," he sang  
>"But baby it's cold outside," Jack came in<br>"I've got to go away,"  
>"But baby it's cold outside,"<br>"This evening has been,"  
>"Been hoping that you'd drop in,"<br>"So very nice,"  
>"I'll hold your hands, they're just like ice"<p>

"My mother will start to worry,"  
>"Beautiful, what's your hurry?"<br>"My father will be pacing the floor"  
>"Listen to the fireplace roar"<br>"So really I'd better scurry"  
>"Beautiful, please don't hurry"<br>"Well maybe just a half a drink more"  
>"Put some records on while I pour"<p>

"The neighbors might think"  
>"Baby, it's bad out there"<br>"Say, what's in this drink?"  
>"No cabs to be had out there"<br>"I wish I knew how"  
>"Your eyes are like starlight"<br>"To break the spell"  
>"I'll take your hat, your hair looks swell"<br>"I ought to say no, no, no, sir"  
>"Mind if I move in closer?"<br>"At least I'm gonna say that I tried"  
>"What's the sense in hurting my pride?"<br>"I really can't stay"  
>"Baby don't hold out"<br>"Ahhh, but it's cold outside"

"I simply must go"  
>"But baby, it's cold outside"<br>"The answer is no"  
>"But baby, it's cold outside"<br>"This welcome has been"  
>"How lucky that you dropped in"<br>"So nice and warm"  
>"Look out the window at that storm"<br>"My sister will be suspicious"  
>"Gosh, your lips look delicious"<br>"My brother will be there at the door"  
>"Waves upon a tropical shore"<br>"My maiden aunt's mind is vicious"  
>"Ohhh your lips are delicious"<br>"Well maybe just a cigarette more"  
>"Never such a blizzard before"<p>

"I've got to go home"  
>"But, baby, you'll freeze out there"<br>"Say, lend me your coat"  
>"It's up to your knees out there"<br>"You've really been grand"  
>"I'm thrilled when you touch my hand"<br>"But don't you see"  
>"How can you do this thing to me?"<br>"There's bound to be talk tomorrow"  
>"Think of my life long sorrow"<br>"At least there will be plenty implied"  
>"If you caught pneumonia and died"<br>"I really can't stay"  
>"Get over that hold out"<p>

"Ohhh, baby it's cold outside" they finished together.

"Oi, love birds!" Owen yelled up, "get down here and help!"

"We're coming," Ianto said

"Not yet," Jack replied slyly

"Really Jack?" Ianto asked

"Really." Jack smiled and kissed Ianto's cheek, "let's get down there before Owen blows a fuse."

**A/N:**Should I keep this as a one-shot, or should I make it a Torchwood Christmas?


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer:** Don't own Torchwood, sadly.

**A/N: **Not having a good day, in fact, I'm going to delete this day from my brain. goodbye day. I'd like to dedicate this chapter to a special friend. If she reads this, she'll know it's for her. "A best friend is a sister that destiny forgot to give you." This is you.

**Chapter Two**

They got down to find everyone staring at the tree confusedly.

"Where are the decorations?" Gwen asked.

"I think they're in deep storage. I'll go get them." Ianto replied

"Why are they in deep storage?" Tosh asked.

"Remember last year we didn't celebrate Christmas here because of the incident with the-never mind." Jack said.

"I'll help get them down," Owen offered.

"We'll need everyone to help. Do you know how many boxes there are?" Jack asked, "over twenty. Ianto, lead the way."

They went down past the cells and the archives. When they pulled open the door to the storage rooms, dust poluted the air, making the team cough. They went into the room, which was filled with boxes and cobwebs. They spread out.

"Ooh, what's this?" Jack asked, picking up a small statue.

"Jack, focus. Let's not have a repeat of what happened last time we were down here." Ianto said.

"Oi, tea-boy, I found 'em!" Owen called.

The team hurried over and pulled out all the boxes and brought them back down to the main.

"We'll decorate the hub, then the tree," Jack commanded, "Ianto, could you do Myfanwey's nest?"

"You're not serious," Ianto deadpanned.

"Come on, even the pterodactyl deserves a little Christmas cheer," Jack smiled.

"Yes, hop to it, tea-boy," Owen said

"Quit calling him that." Tosh said

"Never!" Owen called, walking out of the room.

Gwen walked about, hanging tinsel around the hub while Tosh decked the computers and changed the screensavers. Owen tied ribbons around all his medical instruments.

"That's a bit macabre, don't you think?" Ianto asked on his way to the nest.

"Captain Crunch over there said to make it 'christmasy.'" Owen said,

"I hardly believe that the person that's being operated on's first concern is if the tools used are "christmasy.'" Ianto said.

"I like it," Owen remarked

"You would," Ianto replied.

He climbed up to Myfanwey's perch with a string of lights.

"Hello girl," he said, "I brought you something."

He pulled a bar of dark chocolate out of his suit pocket and tossed it to her.

"Don't tell the others," he said.

Ianto took the lights and strung them all around the nest.

"No Myfanwey, you can't eat them. No," he told the pterodactyl.

He plugged them in, and they lit up like flares.

"Ianto! It looks good!" Jack called, giving him the thumbs up.

"Thank you sir!" he yelled.

Down at ground level, the others had almost finished transforming it into a winter wonderland. Tinsel was hung, snowflakes were taped on walls, and there was red and green on every surface. As a last touch, Jack turned on the Christmas music.

"Please, if there's one thing I can be spared from, let it be the music. Turn it off!" Owen complained, walking in.

"Sorry Owen, we like it." Tosh replied.

"Don't be such a Scrooge!" Gwen teased.

"Who's ready to do the tree?" Jack asked excitedly.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: **Don't own Torchwood

**A/N:** Well, my dads company shut down today and every worker was laid off. I'm not in a good mood.

**A Torchwood Christmas Chapter 3**

They went over to the boxes and unwrapped the ornaments. Gwen and Tosh were set upon making a popcorn chain.

"Ianto, would you please go make us some popcorn?" Tosh asked

He nodded and went to the sacred kitchen, and came back a few minutes later with a big bowl of popcorn and some mugs.

"I brought some hot chocolate as well," he said, sticking two marshmallows in his, "and Jack, please don't eat all the marshmallows...again."

"Tea-boy, you're a genius!" Owen said, taking his drink and a handful of the sweet confections.

"Owen, are you feeling alright?" Jack asked.

"Shut up."

The girls had gotten to work stringing popcorn, but little did they know that the men were pulling off the pieces and eating them.

"That should be enough," Gwen said, "where the hell did it go?"

She looked at the guys, puzzled, until she saw that Jack and Owen were frantically trying to swallow what was in their mouths and Ianto looked sheepish.

"You guys ate the popcorn?" she yelled

"No?" Ianto offered

"You did!" Tosh yelled

"Tosh, could you go get that sonic blaster that you were working on yesterday?" Gwen asked

"Gladly," she went off.

"Can't we all just work this out?" Jack asked

Gwen just glared at him.

"Sir, I think our best chance would be to run," Ianto said.

"For once, I agree with tea-boy." Owen said

The three men bolted out of the room and ran down to the archives. They split up and went down different rows, twisting and turning, until all except Ianto were hopelessly lost. Jack and Owen had the common sense to stop where they were and stay there to avoid the wrath of the women.

Ianto decided he wasn't going to hide from Tosh and Gwen like a coward; he was going to make a peace offering and beg for forgiveness. He snuck out to the kitchen and made a fresh pot of coffee. While he was bringing the mugs out, he bumped into Tosh and Gwen.

"You!" Tosh yelled

Ianto held up one hand in surrender.

"I'm sorry. I've brought a peace offering," he said

Gwen glared at the coffee, but accepted it.

"Where are Jack and Owen?" she asked

"They're somewhere down there." Ianto replied, "they'll be lost for hours."

"Let's finish the tree," Tosh suggested.

Jack had no idea where he was, but he did know that he was surrounded by a bunch of alien tech. He pulled one off the shelf and it started making noises.

"Jack, there you are!" Owen said, coming down the aisle.

The device went off, and the next second there was a bunny and a kitten on the ground.

"Jack, Owen, where are you?" Ianto called.

"Look at the rabbit!" Tosh exclaimed, "how did you get here?"

She picked up the rabbit, and Ianto picked up the kitten. It snuggled against his chest, and began purring.

"Uh guys," Gwen said, "what's that?"

She pointed to the device on the floor, and Ianto rushed to it.

"This is the form manipulator," he said, "which means..."

"These animals are Jack and Owen!" Gwen deduced.

"Which is which?" Tosh asked

"Seeing how that kitten is looking at Ianto, I'm pretty sure that's Jack." Gwen said, "can we change them back?"

"It seems to have broken when someone, probably Jack, was playing with it and he dropped it." Ianto said, "it might take one or two days to fix."

"What do we do with them in the meantime?" Tosh asked

"Do you two want to take care of Owen?" Ianto said, "I'll watch Jack. We can all do our work. They shouldn't be too hard to look after."

He brought Jack up to the tourist office and sat down for some paperwork. Jack found a piece of string on the ground and started playing with it. He grabbed it in his mouth and jumped up on the desk.

"Not now sir," Ianto said, "I have paperwork to do."

JAck mewed pitifully and laid down on top of the piece of paper in front of Ianto.

"Jack. Get off." Ianto said, "if you actually did some work once in a while I wouldn't have to do this."

He pushed Jack off and continued working. Jack the kitten wouldn't give up though. He jumped onto Ianto's lap and tried to sit down. Ianto picked him up and set him on a chair in the corner of the room.

"Stay," he commanded

If Jack were human, he would have been pouting.

Ianto finished his paperwork and then went downstairs.

"I'm going shopping. Do you need anything?" he asked the girls.

Tosh asked for some chocolate and Gwen didn't want anything.

He went to the nearest everything store. He grabbed a cart and got the things on his list.

Coffee beans  
>Chocolate<br>Sardines  
>Carrots<br>Biscuits  
>Beer<br>Cat toys  
>Pears<p>

He checked out and stopped to order two pizzas for dinner. He walked into the tourist office to find that Jack had somehow gotten his coat off the hook and was sleeping peacefully on it. He picked him up and carried him downstairs.

"I brought pizza," he said, and sat down on the sofa.

The girls came over and took some pizza. Into grabbed a slice of pepperoni for himself, just as Jack woke up. He set the slice down and went to go get some plates and when he came back, Jack was eating the pepperoni.

"Jack..." he started, but he had to admit, it was cute, "I brought a carrot for Owen."

He handed it over and the rabbit started nibbling on it. He gave Toshiko her chocolate and took out the beers.

"I know we're on the job, but you have to admit, this-" he gestured to the animals, "-warrants a drink."

"I'll drink to that." Tosh said

"I'll stay here with them tonight," he said

"Are you sure?" Gwen asked

"I can keep them out of trouble," Yan replied.

A few hours later, when the girls had finished their work and left, Ianto brought Jack and Owen up to the office so he could finish himself. He set the two of them on the floor and they explored for a bit. After a few minutes, Jack got a mischievous glint in his eye that was very human. He was staring at Owen, who was sniffing the desk, and then he pounced on him.

"Jack, no!" Ianto exclaimed.

He pulled Jack away from the cowering Owen.

"Was that really necessary?" he asked.

"Meow," said Jack.


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: **Don't own Torchwood

**A/N: **This is a very short chapter, and I'm going to hopefully update again soon, but until then, enjoy.

He brought Owen bunny down to the main level and made a pen for him to sleep in and keep Jack out. Jack watched him the entire time.

"No Jack." Ianto reprimanded, "Remember, you two are going to be back to normal and he will kill you."

Jack looked at him as if to say, 'Don't care. It's fun anyway.' Ianto went up to Jack's office and straightened up until he realized how tired he was.

"Where should I sleep?" he wondered aloud, "would you mind if I slept in your bed sir?"

Jack's eyes seemed to say he wouldn't mind, so Ianto went down to Jack's "bedroom." It was then he noticed the lustful glint in the cat's eye that was distinctly...human.

"No way Jack. That is not happening." Ianto warned, "I'm pretty sure that's bestiality and I can be arrested."

After that statement, Jack seemed to give up, albeit reluctantly and lay down on Ianto's chest. And that's how Tosh and Gwen found them the next morning, Jack curled up on Ianto, while Ianto gently snored.

"They look so cute," Gwen said.

"I almost don't want to wake them," Tosh replied.

"Well, we can work on our own for a bit, right?" Gwen asked, "Let's let Ianto get a bit more sleep. God knows he needs it."

So, they both set about doing their work for the day. Surprisingly, there had been no weevil alerts or really any alerts at all, which was good considering their current situation, but still not normal.

"Gwen, can you come here?" Tosh called, "I need help with this last bit."

Gwen came over and Tosh was able to connect the last bit on the alien device.

"That should do it," she said, "we just need to round up the two animals. Ianto!"

"Yes?" he called down sleepily.

"Bring Jack down," she yelled back, "we can turn them back!"

He carried Jack-cat downstairs and they set him in the pen with Owen, but not before Ianto gave him a stern warning to leave the rabbit alone.

"I almost don't want to change them back," Gwen said.

"I agree. Jack looks better this way," Ianto said.

"Even Owen is much more preferable this way." Tosh chimed in.

"Still, I suppose they'll kill us if they find out we didn't change them back as soon as possible." Ianto said.

Tosh aimed the device at the two animals and pulled the trigger. Then, a flash of light enveloped the two animals.


End file.
